With Friends Like Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley, Who Needs George Soros?

Alan Burnce
4 min readJan 11, 2021

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There is a fact about Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley, those hemorrhaging boils on Satan’s crusted anus, that I have yet to see noted: these flatulent would-be Napoleons, as well as the 127 other United States Senators and Representatives who joined their deadly farce, knowingly sent some very, very dumb people into very, very big trouble. Cruz and Hawley made unwitting martyrs out of their own supporters — the very people who elevated them to power. Exhibit A is the Fields Medal candidate in the video below. Our protagonist was one of the mob whose identity has been uncovered; in the video, he’s being informed at the airport that he is on the federal No-Fly List. For 18 seconds on video, he gesticulates and hollers in stunned disbelief — he loves every single person in that airport, he lets them know! He loves this country, and the federal government is putting him on the No-Fly List?

This is hilarious, terribly sad, and frightening. It’s frightening because this man and millions like him are so utterly untethered to reality that they failed to understand the inevitability of consequences for storming the U.S. Capitol in a failed coup attempt. It’s sad because he brought this on himself and can’t understand why. It was hilarious because — well, these geniuses think they’re much smarter than the rest of us LIBTARD SHEEP who never learned THINK FOR YOUSELF!!!!!

So what does this have to do with Cruz and Hawley, those science class specimens of gonorrhea in vaguely human form? After all, they didn’t storm the Capitol. Well, Ted and Josh are both Harvard graduates, both lawyers, and both profess a special knowledge of constitutional law. Both have known all along, beyond any doubt, that the election was not fraudulent, that Joe Biden won with 306 legitimate electoral votes by a margin of over 7 million popular votes, and that Trump has been concocting his election fraud con job since at least early 2020 in order to deploy it, should he need to, at this very moment, in this very manner. Cruz and Hawley knew that this claim’s total rejection of demonstrable reality was merely the ultimate lie from a President who claimed that he’d won the 2016 popular vote (he lost by 3 million), that his inaugural crowd size was larger than Obama’s (it clearly was not), that a hurricane was bound for Alabama (it wasn’t, and no Sharpie could say otherwise), that a Deep State within our government had been plotting against him personally (it wasn’t), and that COVID-19 was a hoax, but it was under control, not that deadly, and didn’t require any public health measures to save lives. The man who sold these lies to his unimaginably confused base was now selling his greatest lie yet, and there is absolutely no question whatsoever that Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz knew every bit of all of this. When they challenged this election, they knew better.

Hawley and Cruz are also fully aware that many of the Trump/Q cultists who stormed the U.S. Capitol in a failed coup have been living in a fantasy world in which every single one of Trump’s demonstrably untrue lies is the word of God. Cruz and Hawley know exactly who these people are. They know what these people believe, and how fervently they believe it, and they know it’s rank bullshit. Yet knowing this, they not only allowed but encouraged these people to march, chanting and vandalizing and taking selfies with cops assigned to repel them, into trouble they were absolutely not prepared to handle. And now the FBI is finding them. They fucked around, as many of them like to say, and now they’re finding out. The consequences will be devastating for them and their families. But Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, and the rest of the Sedition Caucus in Congress figure to be just fine. Those festering globules of hippopotamus afterbirth looked knowingly at the brainwashed people Trump was cultivating, understanding fully that Trump’s claims were pure lies, understanding further that neither Congress nor the Vice President has a shred of Constitutional authority to negate Biden’s election in that forum, and still let them walk into a bear trap.

Think about that. Who do you know in your life who would do that to another person, let alone a large number of the very people who have put them in positions of power? Anyone? If you know them, what do you think of them? Is this how you behave? Your friends? Anyone you respect? Does their example seem like a good one for whatever children in your life you may love?

Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz are repulsive human beings who encouraged a violent terrorist attack on their own government in their own building that resulted in more deaths than Benghazi, that is tearing away at the fabric of the nation they have taken an oath to serve, that is unprecedented in this nation’s 244 years of very checkered history, and that will shatter the lives of many of those they poisoned with their lies. Can we adequately measure the depth of their betrayals? They must be expelled from Congress and tried for their crimes of sedition and inciting violence.*

*And you must call or write your elected representatives and let them know it. The imperative for massive engagement has been the lesson of the past too many years. We have to let them know that we expect them to protect this country from traitors in their ranks.

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Alan Burnce

Politics and justice, live and recorded music, reading/writing, art/creativity, teaching/learning, living abroad, and self-actualization for all.